TO MY HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR

It is almost time for you to "adult"... In a month this will be the day that I will be recovering from the night before.. an emotional graduation.. and recovering from being up all night from Project Graduation. I will be a mess, not only from not getting any sleep, but also from knowing that the years of you living under the same roof as our family is almost over. I will keep looking at all of the pictures I took and thinking about how beautiful you looked. I will post a zillion pictures and post about how proud I am of you. I will keep thinking about how I can't believe it actually happened but I will know it did from the crumpled up graduation gown laying on the couch and the hat with the tassle thrown close by. I will still be weepy from remembering the sight of you walking down an aisle in your cap and gown. I will catch my breath as I think of when they called your name and you mounted the stage to receive that piece of paper that claimed that you no longer have to attend public school. I will be full of memories of when you started kindergarten and your kindergarten graduation and the years that followed so quickly after. 13 years can surely fly by... and then here we are.

In a month, the realization will come crashing down that you will be responsible for using every bit of advice I have ever given you. All of the life lessons I have tried to teach you about God, about guys, about friends, about how you live your life.. suddenly I can no longer monitor how you are doing with those lessons. Suddenly it is time for you to decide what you will do with the lessons you have learned. Have you made mistakes? Definitely. Will you make more? Most likely. Some days I begin to panic as I wonder what I haven't taught you yet that I should have. What do you need to know that I haven't placed into your arsenal of knowledge? How much are you just going to have to learn on your own? Have I done my job? Have I done it well? Are you really ready to go out on your own? Without me? How can you survive? Visions of your little toddler hand slipping into mine as I guide you along flood my mind. All I can see is the top of your silky blonde hair bouncing and then you look up and flash me that huge smile that makes your blue eyes twinkle and lights up your whole face and I feel joy and peace. I have always held your hand and I will continue to even as you leave, even if not physically. Yes, you have made mistakes and so have I and yet here we are and we are just fine and we will continue to be. You are no longer my little girl. You are my grown up daughter that is about to make her way in this big world. You are growing up. This is how it is supposed to happen. So, my girl, take experiences and grow from them. Never let anything be for nothing. Your time has come to fly... I am so completely proud of you and the woman you are growing into and I love you more than you can even comprehend...

Sisters

Days seem to pass by more swiftly with every day that I open my eyes. I feel the sting of knowing that my family dynamic as I know it is about to change dramatically. And even as I feel the pain, I know in my heart that you, my sweet girls, feel it too... the one that will be leaving and the one that will be left behind. You have been together as long as you can remember. You have shared a room, shared birthday parties, shared toys, shared vacations and even shared stomach viruses. You are never apart. And suddenly you will be. It will be your new reality and one you most likely will have a hard time embracing, even though some days you wish, either while screaming it loudly or thinking it quietly to yourself, that your other half would drop off of the face of the Earth. So, with the time you have still together, living under the same roof, let me remind you of the best parts of having a sister.

1. You have a willing concert buddy. Your sister is always willing to jump in the car and head out to any concert with you and sing along to all the songs on the way there and on the way back, even though you are hoarse from screaming. You can talk together about how hot the guy is and how you wish he was singing to you. 













2. You don't have far to go when you need a shoulder to cry on. Your sister is your best therapist and it is so handy to have her just right outside your bedroom door. If you are angry or sad, you can just go to her and before you know it, she has you laughing. There is nothing like her words of wisdom or her humor to get you over a tough spot.









3. You have a built in second wardrobe. You have someone right there to share clothes with and get fashion advice from. And yes, that might be the cause of most of your fights as well, but embrace the additional clothes and swap it all up. You might even surprise your sister by putting away her laundry one day too or hanging up something of hers that you tried on. That would not only be a sweet surprise but would cause great joy and peace in the home!







  

4. You have someone to share milestones with. Your sister is always there for you for the big events in your life, even when others aren't. And honestly, she is the main one that you want there anyway.

5. You always have someone there for those last minute shopping trips or spur of the minute runs to get food and there is really no one that you had rather be with.

Yes, you may want to kill each other sometimes but there is no doubt how much you love each other and how much you will miss each other when college time arrives... So embrace the days you have left and make lots of memories... Your sister will always be your best friend..

Things I Learned in 2015..

     So, here we are, diving headlong into this new year of 2016. I am personally settling in nicely. I have been in the new year long enough that the Christmas decorations that once illuminated most corners of our home are now packed away. I have gotten over the fact that I didn't pen any resolutions and I am actually glad about it because I would have quit them by now anyway, resulting in much guilt. I have even stopped writing 2015 which results in 6's written over my 5's haphazardly so no one can really tell which number was actually intended...







     I have been in 2016 long enough to be able to look back at 2015 with fresh eyes. Because, goodness gracious, it was a hard year. I was so happy when I shut the door on it and declared, "I am done with you!"  However, now I can say that although 2015 was hard, it brought many lessons.. And honestly, it you do not learn a lesson in the hard, what good is it anyway?  The hard can suffocate the air out of us, beat us down until we are completely broken, strip us of our energy, joy and ability to do daily tasks, and it can get us to the point of giving up. Or hard can do amazing things if we allow it..

   





     What I have decided to do with 2015 is to LEARN. What can I glean from a time that I consider hard? 
     I lost a job in 2015.. one I planned on retiring from.. But I have learned that God is always, always working on a plan for my life and it doesn't always include what I thought I did. I may have planned to retire from that particular place but He had another plan and led me down another road to get there. I have to trust that His plan is way better and I know from experience that the things that are taken away, are replaced with much better. How could I not believe that He is always looking out for me? 
     I experienced a change where I was serving unlike anything I had ever experienced and it hurt and it was difficult to process, understand and conform to. All of the years we had been serving had been with the same core group of people. One by one they left.. and then they were ALL gone. I never questioned God but I was rocked to my core by what was going on and it did cause me to wonder what God was doing and why. Fast forward months later and God.. God was always in control, as always. We are back, with positions all filled again, and things are falling into a new rhythm. I desperately miss the ones that have gone, but I know that just like when I made a job change, God was working the same thing out for them. I also learned that it isn't about me. I was hurt and sad and floundering around.. but guess what? It wasn't about what I wanted. It was about what God was doing in THEIR lives. And it was also about a big change in our serving area that caused every single one of us to not have our faith in a person and to depend on God alone. Well, isn't that a lesson we all need! 
     I lost dear friends and family members this year to death. My two youngest children lost friends to death. Goodness, there were times we couldn't catch our breath for the grief that overtook us. But, oh how I learned!  I learned I cannot fix everything for my children. I have to let them learn to grieve and process. I have to let them learn that life is short, sometimes far shorter than it should be and shorter than we can accept, in order that they may appreciate the life given to them more. I learned to be so thankful for each breath. I learned that when loss and grief come knocking, as they most assuredly will, to be prepared to give praise in the mourning.. for Heaven's gain and for the way grieving draws us closer to Him.
     I lost dear friends this year because the friendship was just finished, for whatever reason. This one was really hard because they didn't die.. they are still there.. and yet they aren't. And somehow I cannot help but feel that I could have stopped it..could have done something, anything, to salvage what once was. Yet, not matter what I try, I can't make it work, can't make it be what it was. So, I ended up feeling alone and sad and isolated and trying to figure out what to do. But then, the lesson.. I learned that sometimes friends are gone so new ones can come. I learned that the friends I had weren't feeding my heart. I learned the friendship wasn't what I thought in the first place, because if it was, wouldn't it still be around? 


     As I think of my hard and painful things, my mind also brings forth images of my Jesus, hanging on a cross, covered in blood, meat showing from torn skin, His head hanging as the crown of thorns is pressed down upon His head.. He is innocent and yet punished.. for ME.. Do I really have it all that hard? What if His were my cross to bear? And oh, what a testimony I have through my hard.. for His glory and honor.. And what is my suffering compared to His if I allow Him glory in my hard? 


     Sometimes, it just takes a change of how we look at things to appreciate them rather than let them get them get the best of us. Sometimes it is all about our perspective.. Be thankful for your hard times, trials and sufferings. It is nothing compared to what He has suffered for us...

One Word for 2016...

One Word for 2016...
     A few years ago, I gave up the notion of making up a list of New Year's resolutions. Like many, I would come up with this exhaustive list and in the end, I would feel overwhelmed and defeated because the list wasn't realistic or attainable. It only made me feel like a failure. I decided that resolutions, unrealized, were pointless. That is when I discovered the One Word movement. The first year I will admit that I stressed entirely too much over "my word". I thought it held some sort of magical power that, in itself, would revolutionize my whole entire life.  I quickly learned that it didn't really work that way. You don't choose a word as much as the word chooses you, or more probable is that God chooses your word for you. When I let my word just "happen", it became so much more clear.
     The first year my word was intentional.  The next year my word was revive. Last year my word was Selah. I never just pick my word without prayer and really listening to the Lord and never has He failed me. The word always is made clear to me and throughout the year, I cannot tell you how many times and in how many different situations the word will continue to come up and reveal itself. That is how I always know it is of the Lord. I know all of that sounds a little strange but if you listen for the Lord to speak, He will and there is peace in knowing you are getting a word from Him, even if it just your "word" for the year. Every time the word comes up throughout the year in those mysterious ways I cannot help but smile and my heart leaps because I feel like it is my God saying, "See, I am still showing you, still teaching you." It brings such comfort to my spirit.
     This year my word is ENOUGH.  While we live in the days of more, I want to trust that I have enough. I am done with more. When we think we have to have the biggest house, or the newest cell phone that is out, or the nicest computers, or the fanciest cars, or the name brand clothes, I want ENOUGH. When we long for prestige, or recognition, or fame, or more friends than anyone else, I want ENOUGH. When we want our children to act better than the other children, perform better than the other children, look better than the other children, or be more popular than the other children, I want ENOUGH. When we want our marriages to be more romantic than other marriages, or more fulfilling than other marriages or more envied than other marriages, I want ENOUGH. When we want the best jobs, the most money, the most followers/retweets/likes, I want ENOUGH. 
     I want the comparison game to stop in my life. I don't have the best house, phone, car, husband, or kids.. Sometimes we fight in our family. Sometimes I am sad.  Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am even jealous. No one has a perfect life and in acting like we do causes others to feel bad about their own lives. I want a life of being real and acknowledging that even when things aren't great, it is ENOUGH. Because truly, no matter what is going on with my marriage or my kids or my friends or my church or any other area of my life, I have God and HE IS ENOUGH. He is El Shaddai, which is the God of more than enough. Because of that and because of Him, I don't have to have everything in my life be better than yours and I don't have to worry about how much better your life is than mine. It just has to be ENOUGH.
     One thing I have learned is that chasing more makes me tired.  It makes my heart very heavy and it makes me overwhelmed. When I judge my life based on those lives around me, I lose my joy and the life is literally being sucked right out of me. But when I focus on the fact that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and with the people I am supposed to be with and with exactly what I am supposed to have, regardless of what and who others have, it releases me to know that even on the hard days, I have what God intended for my life and it is for a purpose for He is using every single bit of it to make me into who I am supposed to be for Him. And that is ENOUGH...

One Day You Will Know... Open Letter to My Teens..

My precious children,

These days, I am exhausted. When you were babies and I was functioning on fumes I longed for sleep. I would catch myself nodding off as you nursed or as I rocked you back to sleep in the middle of the night, singing softly to you, trying to not stimulate you too much but soaking in every single moment. I would rub my face against your soft little head and inhale your smell and become overwhelmed that you were actually made from me. I helped create you and I couldn’t believe it sometimes… I didn’t deserve this. You would nestle against me knowing I was your source for food and life and there was no other calling in my life that I wanted besides this one.

I thought I would be past this when you were no longer a toddler. Mornings began with your cry for “mama” and I was the chosen one for all things. Whether you needed a diaper change, food, comfort for a pain, or just needed love, it was me that you came to. Days were full to the very end. You were attached to me.. you crawled on me.. you pulled on me.. I was your jungle gym and play mat.. your favorite spot to sleep. Nights brought sweet moments of me reading you books while you were fresh from your bath in your soft pajamas snuggled in my lap. I would lay you in your bed, ready for rest but not wanting to be apart from you for the whole night.  Neither of us could get enough of the snuggles that everyone else seemed to think should smother me.

Your childhood was full. You might not remember everything. We used to load in the car on Saturday mornings to go to yard sales. You would eat dry cereal out of a plastic container and then smell like Cinnamon Toast Crunch all day. We spent more Sunday’s at Granny’s than I can count and I am thankful that she knew you. I wish Papa had. He would have been completely crazy about you. You have been taught to love family and family is first after God. We have played for hours in the backyard together on the swing and in your sandbox, drove your Barbie Jeep ‘round and ‘round the neighborhood, went to the park so many days and played with friends, had Chick-Fil-A dates, went on many vacations to the mountains and the beach, Disney and other fun places. We have done cheer, gymnastics and so many fun things. We have always tried to teach you to love God and other people and show you that church really is another home and to love it like your own. We have tried to teach you to serve others.

But now… These days, I am exhausted. Mostly my soul is weary causing extreme physical, bone-tired, cannot move, and could sleep for day’s exhaustion. You are growing up. You are pulling away from me. You don’t want to snuggle in my lap anymore.. even if you could fit. Sometimes we argue over everything and nothing at all. There are times you think I don’t like you but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is, I like you too much. How could I not? You make my heart stop with your funny, wonderful personality. Sometimes I think I could burst from how proud I am of you. You are beautiful and I wonder how you can be so pretty. Why are you not in that weird teenage phase? I look back at my pictures as a teen and I was so awkward. You seem to have it so “together” already. I wish I had been more like you at your age. You impress me with little things that you know and do all the time.

But then comes that mothering part that still has to exist and that is the problem. You know a part of me that most don’t. It can pretty ugly.. but if you look closely it can be pretty beautiful. Because the ugliest part of me is brought on by the beautiful.. because of my fierce love for you. When I look at you, I don’t see a grown woman about to go out into the world on her own. I see a chubby little girl with full cheeks and full lips reaching up to me asking me to hold her. So the ugly part of me that you see comes from loving you hard. It comes from wanting you to be the best you can be. I take my job of raising you seriously and want to send you out as a responsible, respectful and loving person. I have worn myself out for many years serving you, giving everything up for you and loving you. I have done so without even thinking about it and would do it again over and over. My life isn’t about me. Before I even knew you were alive, my heart was beating for you, my child, and will continue to do so until my heart beats its last beat. I have no greater honor than being your mom. There has never been anything in my life that has taught me more about God’s love like being your mama. Every single time I have yelled at you, grabbed your arm or acted in a way I shouldn’t, God forgave me. Nothing makes me crazier; nothing makes me happier.

I used to pray for myself. Now my prayers are for you and your sisters. And for myself.. to be a better mama to you. I consider you my greatest mission field above anything I could ever do.  When you think I have rules that don’t make sense to you, remember they will.  When I yell at you for rolling your eyes at me or speaking disrespectful and you don’t think you have done anything, one day you will see it. When I push you to read your Bible and pray and spend time with Jesus because He loves you so much.. one day you will understand.. you will KNOW. And when you think I am tough and strict and all of the other mom’s aren’t, you will understand why one day.. you will know they were stricter than your friends made it look like and you will understand why I am hard on you sometimes.. just like my mama was hard on me and her mama was hard on her..

So I think we would be much less tired.. if you could realize this all now. But I realize you won’t. And soon you will be grown.. and gone. And one day you will have a child of your own. And goodness how you will love that sweet one with every single thing that you are.. and when that child becomes a teenager, you will remember… and you will know that every single thing I did was because I love you with the deepest of love. One day you will know… 

I am back!

So, I have been missing in action. I decided that I wanted to start journaling but since I enjoy typing much more than I enjoy having a cramped hand I thought that returning to my blog would make much more sense. What I didn't realize was that it has been three years since I have typed up a blog.  The funny thing is I am always thinking of things I want to blog about but I just don't take the time to do it. Maybe I think I don't have the time. But truly how long does it take? A part of me wants to go back and share so much of my life with you over the last three years but that overwhelms me just a tiny bit (TREMENDOUSLY!) so we will just start fresh now.. again..

So, hi, my name is Shannon and I am a recovering blog procrastinator. I will be joining you again in the hopes that you will join me. I love community and sincerely hope we can gather here often. I love to talk about Jesus and life and family and friends. This is just an introduction so I will be sharing something of substance very soon!

Be a blessing and be blessed!
Shannon

The Salvation Garden

So today I keep having this verse show up.. IN MY FACE..

James 1:19-21 in the Message:

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends.  Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation garden of your life.”

I have a NIV Life Application Bible and it reads very differently:

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become to angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

I read this..  I digest it..  I roll it over in my head and through my heart.  Honestly, I love the way the Message speaks but I love the NIV version as well.  What this is saying to me is when I talk too much and listen too little, I am saying to others that my ideas and feelings are much more important.  When I become angry quickly, I am communicating that although I may speak God's love with my mouth, I am not showing God's love with my actions.  I WANT this salvation garden in my life!  I want the Word planted in me and I want it to flourish.

My mind goes back to yesterday afternoon when I was short with one of my daughters because she was grouchy when she got home from school.  Or to this morning when I was not as nice as I should be to my husband because mornings are just stressful and we had too many things going on.  I don't want to be that person.  I want to be the wife/mother/woman that shows evidence of a well tended garden.  I want to be a woman that takes in the Word and lives it and breathes it and my life shows it.  I love it when He gives me Truth that I am specifically needing!