One Word for 2016...

One Word for 2016...
     A few years ago, I gave up the notion of making up a list of New Year's resolutions. Like many, I would come up with this exhaustive list and in the end, I would feel overwhelmed and defeated because the list wasn't realistic or attainable. It only made me feel like a failure. I decided that resolutions, unrealized, were pointless. That is when I discovered the One Word movement. The first year I will admit that I stressed entirely too much over "my word". I thought it held some sort of magical power that, in itself, would revolutionize my whole entire life.  I quickly learned that it didn't really work that way. You don't choose a word as much as the word chooses you, or more probable is that God chooses your word for you. When I let my word just "happen", it became so much more clear.
     The first year my word was intentional.  The next year my word was revive. Last year my word was Selah. I never just pick my word without prayer and really listening to the Lord and never has He failed me. The word always is made clear to me and throughout the year, I cannot tell you how many times and in how many different situations the word will continue to come up and reveal itself. That is how I always know it is of the Lord. I know all of that sounds a little strange but if you listen for the Lord to speak, He will and there is peace in knowing you are getting a word from Him, even if it just your "word" for the year. Every time the word comes up throughout the year in those mysterious ways I cannot help but smile and my heart leaps because I feel like it is my God saying, "See, I am still showing you, still teaching you." It brings such comfort to my spirit.
     This year my word is ENOUGH.  While we live in the days of more, I want to trust that I have enough. I am done with more. When we think we have to have the biggest house, or the newest cell phone that is out, or the nicest computers, or the fanciest cars, or the name brand clothes, I want ENOUGH. When we long for prestige, or recognition, or fame, or more friends than anyone else, I want ENOUGH. When we want our children to act better than the other children, perform better than the other children, look better than the other children, or be more popular than the other children, I want ENOUGH. When we want our marriages to be more romantic than other marriages, or more fulfilling than other marriages or more envied than other marriages, I want ENOUGH. When we want the best jobs, the most money, the most followers/retweets/likes, I want ENOUGH. 
     I want the comparison game to stop in my life. I don't have the best house, phone, car, husband, or kids.. Sometimes we fight in our family. Sometimes I am sad.  Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am even jealous. No one has a perfect life and in acting like we do causes others to feel bad about their own lives. I want a life of being real and acknowledging that even when things aren't great, it is ENOUGH. Because truly, no matter what is going on with my marriage or my kids or my friends or my church or any other area of my life, I have God and HE IS ENOUGH. He is El Shaddai, which is the God of more than enough. Because of that and because of Him, I don't have to have everything in my life be better than yours and I don't have to worry about how much better your life is than mine. It just has to be ENOUGH.
     One thing I have learned is that chasing more makes me tired.  It makes my heart very heavy and it makes me overwhelmed. When I judge my life based on those lives around me, I lose my joy and the life is literally being sucked right out of me. But when I focus on the fact that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and with the people I am supposed to be with and with exactly what I am supposed to have, regardless of what and who others have, it releases me to know that even on the hard days, I have what God intended for my life and it is for a purpose for He is using every single bit of it to make me into who I am supposed to be for Him. And that is ENOUGH...

One Day You Will Know... Open Letter to My Teens..

My precious children,

These days, I am exhausted. When you were babies and I was functioning on fumes I longed for sleep. I would catch myself nodding off as you nursed or as I rocked you back to sleep in the middle of the night, singing softly to you, trying to not stimulate you too much but soaking in every single moment. I would rub my face against your soft little head and inhale your smell and become overwhelmed that you were actually made from me. I helped create you and I couldn’t believe it sometimes… I didn’t deserve this. You would nestle against me knowing I was your source for food and life and there was no other calling in my life that I wanted besides this one.

I thought I would be past this when you were no longer a toddler. Mornings began with your cry for “mama” and I was the chosen one for all things. Whether you needed a diaper change, food, comfort for a pain, or just needed love, it was me that you came to. Days were full to the very end. You were attached to me.. you crawled on me.. you pulled on me.. I was your jungle gym and play mat.. your favorite spot to sleep. Nights brought sweet moments of me reading you books while you were fresh from your bath in your soft pajamas snuggled in my lap. I would lay you in your bed, ready for rest but not wanting to be apart from you for the whole night.  Neither of us could get enough of the snuggles that everyone else seemed to think should smother me.

Your childhood was full. You might not remember everything. We used to load in the car on Saturday mornings to go to yard sales. You would eat dry cereal out of a plastic container and then smell like Cinnamon Toast Crunch all day. We spent more Sunday’s at Granny’s than I can count and I am thankful that she knew you. I wish Papa had. He would have been completely crazy about you. You have been taught to love family and family is first after God. We have played for hours in the backyard together on the swing and in your sandbox, drove your Barbie Jeep ‘round and ‘round the neighborhood, went to the park so many days and played with friends, had Chick-Fil-A dates, went on many vacations to the mountains and the beach, Disney and other fun places. We have done cheer, gymnastics and so many fun things. We have always tried to teach you to love God and other people and show you that church really is another home and to love it like your own. We have tried to teach you to serve others.

But now… These days, I am exhausted. Mostly my soul is weary causing extreme physical, bone-tired, cannot move, and could sleep for day’s exhaustion. You are growing up. You are pulling away from me. You don’t want to snuggle in my lap anymore.. even if you could fit. Sometimes we argue over everything and nothing at all. There are times you think I don’t like you but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is, I like you too much. How could I not? You make my heart stop with your funny, wonderful personality. Sometimes I think I could burst from how proud I am of you. You are beautiful and I wonder how you can be so pretty. Why are you not in that weird teenage phase? I look back at my pictures as a teen and I was so awkward. You seem to have it so “together” already. I wish I had been more like you at your age. You impress me with little things that you know and do all the time.

But then comes that mothering part that still has to exist and that is the problem. You know a part of me that most don’t. It can pretty ugly.. but if you look closely it can be pretty beautiful. Because the ugliest part of me is brought on by the beautiful.. because of my fierce love for you. When I look at you, I don’t see a grown woman about to go out into the world on her own. I see a chubby little girl with full cheeks and full lips reaching up to me asking me to hold her. So the ugly part of me that you see comes from loving you hard. It comes from wanting you to be the best you can be. I take my job of raising you seriously and want to send you out as a responsible, respectful and loving person. I have worn myself out for many years serving you, giving everything up for you and loving you. I have done so without even thinking about it and would do it again over and over. My life isn’t about me. Before I even knew you were alive, my heart was beating for you, my child, and will continue to do so until my heart beats its last beat. I have no greater honor than being your mom. There has never been anything in my life that has taught me more about God’s love like being your mama. Every single time I have yelled at you, grabbed your arm or acted in a way I shouldn’t, God forgave me. Nothing makes me crazier; nothing makes me happier.

I used to pray for myself. Now my prayers are for you and your sisters. And for myself.. to be a better mama to you. I consider you my greatest mission field above anything I could ever do.  When you think I have rules that don’t make sense to you, remember they will.  When I yell at you for rolling your eyes at me or speaking disrespectful and you don’t think you have done anything, one day you will see it. When I push you to read your Bible and pray and spend time with Jesus because He loves you so much.. one day you will understand.. you will KNOW. And when you think I am tough and strict and all of the other mom’s aren’t, you will understand why one day.. you will know they were stricter than your friends made it look like and you will understand why I am hard on you sometimes.. just like my mama was hard on me and her mama was hard on her..

So I think we would be much less tired.. if you could realize this all now. But I realize you won’t. And soon you will be grown.. and gone. And one day you will have a child of your own. And goodness how you will love that sweet one with every single thing that you are.. and when that child becomes a teenager, you will remember… and you will know that every single thing I did was because I love you with the deepest of love. One day you will know… 

I am back!

So, I have been missing in action. I decided that I wanted to start journaling but since I enjoy typing much more than I enjoy having a cramped hand I thought that returning to my blog would make much more sense. What I didn't realize was that it has been three years since I have typed up a blog.  The funny thing is I am always thinking of things I want to blog about but I just don't take the time to do it. Maybe I think I don't have the time. But truly how long does it take? A part of me wants to go back and share so much of my life with you over the last three years but that overwhelms me just a tiny bit (TREMENDOUSLY!) so we will just start fresh now.. again..

So, hi, my name is Shannon and I am a recovering blog procrastinator. I will be joining you again in the hopes that you will join me. I love community and sincerely hope we can gather here often. I love to talk about Jesus and life and family and friends. This is just an introduction so I will be sharing something of substance very soon!

Be a blessing and be blessed!
Shannon

The Salvation Garden

So today I keep having this verse show up.. IN MY FACE..

James 1:19-21 in the Message:

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends.  Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation garden of your life.”

I have a NIV Life Application Bible and it reads very differently:

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become to angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

I read this..  I digest it..  I roll it over in my head and through my heart.  Honestly, I love the way the Message speaks but I love the NIV version as well.  What this is saying to me is when I talk too much and listen too little, I am saying to others that my ideas and feelings are much more important.  When I become angry quickly, I am communicating that although I may speak God's love with my mouth, I am not showing God's love with my actions.  I WANT this salvation garden in my life!  I want the Word planted in me and I want it to flourish.

My mind goes back to yesterday afternoon when I was short with one of my daughters because she was grouchy when she got home from school.  Or to this morning when I was not as nice as I should be to my husband because mornings are just stressful and we had too many things going on.  I don't want to be that person.  I want to be the wife/mother/woman that shows evidence of a well tended garden.  I want to be a woman that takes in the Word and lives it and breathes it and my life shows it.  I love it when He gives me Truth that I am specifically needing!

Let's Stretch!

When I was in school I never studied for a test... and yet I made straight A's.  God blessed me with a great memory.  I could skim the text a few minutes before the test and BAM! there was my perfect score!  I can still remember phone numbers from my grade school friends.  I remember birthdays like a pro..  However, Bible memorization has always seemed very daunting to me... intimidating to say the least.  Why?  I don't really know.  Maybe I don't feel worthy.  Maybe I don't want to be confronted later and not be able to recall the perfect verse for the situation.  Whatever the reason, I have never memorized scripture.  Do I read scripture? Of course... I even remember things from the Bible and can talk about things from the Bible but "verse memorization"...  No way!  So here I go.  My dear friend is calling a group of us to memorize 2 verses a month for the rest of this year.  We are posting these to her blog so we can hold each other accountable.  She asked us to buy a handy dandy spiral to keep them in.  

I am a little scared about this process..  Am I going to be quizzed?  What if I fail?  Can I do this?  So many insecurities!  But this I know.. I have some good friends cheering me on!  And God loves that I am doing this.. 

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. Psalm 40:8
The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. Psalm 37:31

I really want His word hidden in my heart.  Not so that I can throw verses at people but so that I can recall them when I need them, so that I can grow. He gives them to us for a reason.  I NEED His Word.  I pray I grow through this.  I am thrilled to pieces that my sweet friend is challenging me!  I need to be stretched.  It is scary but in that fear I will grow.  I always do and come out so much closer to the Lord!  Join me in this if you want to.  You won't regret it!

Be Real...

So let's be real...  I don't like conflict at all.  My husband might disagree with that statement but I really don't. I truly want the perfect marriage.  No arguments.. ever..  And could we always just put each other first please?  Also on my list would be that we always greet each other in the morning with a hug and a nice good morning instead of a grunt that slightly resembles a good morning but neither of us really talk a lot in the morning so I am learning to accept that.  The list would also include that he never fusses when I spend too much and he would clean up better after himself.  I would also request that our eyes meet across the room sometimes with "that look".. I really don't ask for too much.  I am pretty sure he might have a list as well but he doesn't voice his as much... bless the nagging wife...  However, after 21 years, my fairy tale wishes that were ridiculous have definitely become more realistic,  I do believe.  Things that my husband could never achieve have slowly left my expectations, as I have realized that he is only human.

All this said, I must say, Saturday I was slightly annoyed at my husband when I returned home from my mother's house after being gone all day.  My husband, the man who would never sit down, who always had to be doing something, has suddenly, the last few months, decided to sit around and read his Bible much more than he ever has.  This should be something that makes me so happy and it does.  BUT when I came home to clothes in a basket that weren't folded but CRAMMED in there and wrinkled, which meant I had to put them back into the dryer to get the wrinkles out I was perturbed.  There were also towels in the dryer that had not been folded.  My temperature began to rise.  Then I went into the kitchen and the dishwasher which needed to run that morning when I left had just been run, which meant that the dishes could not be unloaded until they dried for a while so the supper dishes had to be piled in the sink.... Then, the only chore I had asked him to complete while I was gone was to do the vacuuming and he only did the downstairs and didn't even do the staircase.

I don't say anything because I am avoiding an argument because as I said.. I don't like conflict....  So I seethe about this Saturday night and Sunday morning while I fold towels and unload and load the dishwasher back before church and even Sunday afternoon after church while I attempt to take a nap.  Sunday night I sit in church by myself (well, with friends) because he had security duty at church and I start feeling a little tugging on my heart.. but I am still mad...  Sunday night we come home and I am still ill but the tugging is a little harder..  Monday morning it is worse.  I recall the lady we sat by at lunch on Sunday sharing with me how her husband had passed away unexpectedly a few months ago and how her friend who was also eating with her had just lost her husband in December within 15 minutes of taking an antibiotic.  I begin to recall Brother Ben's sermon from Sunday night on the confession of a pastor who had a fight with his wife and how he told the whole congregation and how he confessed to them "This will be made right tonight".  I am suddenly overwhelmed with the fact of how hard my husband works through the week and how long his hours are and how he provides for our family.  I realize how hard he works to prepare the lesson he teaches to the boys on Sunday for Sunday School.  Maybe he doesn't do as much around the house as he used to but I work less hours than I did then and he works more so shouldn't I take up the slack?  Shouldn't I just stand in the gap?  Maybe I should consider my man my mission instead of being bitter about the extra that I have to do....

So, tonight when my man comes home, I am going to confess to him and I am going to apologize and I am going to ask him to forgive me and I am going to thank him for all he does for us.  I hope this is an encouragement to someone.  And now that I have confessed this to you, I can move on...  just being real!  :)

EPIC FAIL

So tonight we realized that we had a coupon that ran out at the end of the month and being the tightwads that we are,  we rationalize that we must jump into the car and go out to dinner to use this coupon.  Now, would it have saved more money to just stay home?  Well yes it would!  But no, we must use this coupon!  Now, in case you didn't know, we are penny pinchers to the extreme.  We buy on the clearance rack and then use a coupon and that is the only way.  We never pay full price for things.  We are bargain shoppers and always are so proud of the deals that we come across.  If it isn't a deal, we don't buy it.  So anyway, we take the girls and go out to a nice dinner at Perkins in Milan.  This was a buy one entree get another free.  Good deal right?  So we eat and laugh and enjoy our meal and have a wonderful evening.  Until... we get our bill.. and I pull out the coupon.. and read the very small print that says that it is only good for one person per one table.  YIKES!  And we have just bought 4 adult entrees thinking we are getting 2 of them free!  Mike and I look at each other with a look of dread and that sickening feeling fills our gut... Suddenly, the meal wasn't quite so good.  We fuss at ourselves, fuss at each other, fret over our predicament, try to find a way out.. and realize we must bite the bullet and learn from our mistake.. as hard as it is.. So we sit there a minute and gather ourselves and decide it is time to face the music, pay the bill and get out of there!  Mike is at the cashiers stand paying and I am leaned over the counter,  just sick about the whole thing.. and when I think it can't get any worse Mikayla says "Look at that sign Mom!  Adeline could have eaten free!  Kids 12 and under,  Monday thru Friday eats free!"  Should I scream now?????  EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!  Yep, EPIC FAIL, as my kids would say!  Oh, how I will read the small print better in the future!