So let's be real... I don't like conflict at all. My husband might disagree with that statement but I really don't. I truly want the perfect marriage. No arguments.. ever.. And could we always just put each other first please? Also on my list would be that we always greet each other in the morning with a hug and a nice good morning instead of a grunt that slightly resembles a good morning but neither of us really talk a lot in the morning so I am learning to accept that. The list would also include that he never fusses when I spend too much and he would clean up better after himself. I would also request that our eyes meet across the room sometimes with "that look".. I really don't ask for too much. I am pretty sure he might have a list as well but he doesn't voice his as much... bless the nagging wife... However, after 21 years, my fairy tale wishes that were ridiculous have definitely become more realistic, I do believe. Things that my husband could never achieve have slowly left my expectations, as I have realized that he is only human.
All this said, I must say, Saturday I was slightly annoyed at my husband when I returned home from my mother's house after being gone all day. My husband, the man who would never sit down, who always had to be doing something, has suddenly, the last few months, decided to sit around and read his Bible much more than he ever has. This should be something that makes me so happy and it does. BUT when I came home to clothes in a basket that weren't folded but CRAMMED in there and wrinkled, which meant I had to put them back into the dryer to get the wrinkles out I was perturbed. There were also towels in the dryer that had not been folded. My temperature began to rise. Then I went into the kitchen and the dishwasher which needed to run that morning when I left had just been run, which meant that the dishes could not be unloaded until they dried for a while so the supper dishes had to be piled in the sink.... Then, the only chore I had asked him to complete while I was gone was to do the vacuuming and he only did the downstairs and didn't even do the staircase.
I don't say anything because I am avoiding an argument because as I said.. I don't like conflict.... So I seethe about this Saturday night and Sunday morning while I fold towels and unload and load the dishwasher back before church and even Sunday afternoon after church while I attempt to take a nap. Sunday night I sit in church by myself (well, with friends) because he had security duty at church and I start feeling a little tugging on my heart.. but I am still mad... Sunday night we come home and I am still ill but the tugging is a little harder.. Monday morning it is worse. I recall the lady we sat by at lunch on Sunday sharing with me how her husband had passed away unexpectedly a few months ago and how her friend who was also eating with her had just lost her husband in December within 15 minutes of taking an antibiotic. I begin to recall Brother Ben's sermon from Sunday night on the confession of a pastor who had a fight with his wife and how he told the whole congregation and how he confessed to them "This will be made right tonight". I am suddenly overwhelmed with the fact of how hard my husband works through the week and how long his hours are and how he provides for our family. I realize how hard he works to prepare the lesson he teaches to the boys on Sunday for Sunday School. Maybe he doesn't do as much around the house as he used to but I work less hours than I did then and he works more so shouldn't I take up the slack? Shouldn't I just stand in the gap? Maybe I should consider my man my mission instead of being bitter about the extra that I have to do....
So, tonight when my man comes home, I am going to confess to him and I am going to apologize and I am going to ask him to forgive me and I am going to thank him for all he does for us. I hope this is an encouragement to someone. And now that I have confessed this to you, I can move on... just being real! :)
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