One Word for 2019

For many years now I have been praying for a word that is given straight to me by my Creator for the new year. I do not want to choose this word of my own accord but I want this word to be divinely given straight to me by the One who loves me and knows me better than anyone else. 

First, a recap of my past words. Pardon me for the repetition but I need this reminder more for myself than anything.

In 2013 my word was "intentional". I knew that I needed to be more intentional with my family and my walk with the Lord. In 2014 my word was "revive". I felt a deep need for revival in my life. I desired to see the Lord in all that I did and in my daily life. In 2015 my word was "selah". My soul longed for pause. I wanted to stop and reflect on the Lord and the people in my life. In 2016 my word was "enough". I wanted to be satisfied with all that I had. My home, my husband, my kids, my car, my life. I wanted the comparison game to be gone. I wanted what I had to be enough. In 2017 my word was "sacrifice". I wanted to make the choice to sacrifice my time and needs to be with others. In 2018 my word was "engaged". My goals were to achieve more meaningful relationships by being engaged with others and truly listen to them and get to know them for the way God made them.

The last few weeks of 2018 I was seeking for my new word for 2019. Each time I would pray about this, the same word would flood into my spirit. My word for 2019 will be "focus".  As always, I began to research the word and was blown away by the meanings I found. Focus means:

noun

1. 1.

   the center of interest or activity.

   • 
     
2. 2.

   the state or quality of having or producing clear visual definition.

   
   

   "his face is rather out of focus"

verb

1. 1.

   (of a person or their eyes) adapt to the prevailing level of light and become able to see clearly.

   • 
     
   • 
     
2. 2.

   pay particular attention to.
3. 
   

Focus, as a noun, reminds me to keep Jesus as my focus. In this new year I want to make Him the center of my interests and activities. To focus on Him brings clear visual definition to my life and rather than being blurry or unclear as to my purpose in this world, I want to know His love above all else and share that with others. 

As a verb, focus challenges me to pay particular attention to my Father and He will bring light to my life. This, in turn, will cause me to see things more clearly. 

I will be honest. This last year I may have succeeded in building relationships and being more engaged with others, however,  I feel I have lost my focus. It seems that each day is a blur. I have great intentions each morning when I rise but, by the time I fall into bed each night, I feel I have failed with the time that God has given me. I plan to blog more or exercise or keep a journal or so many other things I want to do and then it seems that time has slipped away and I have accomplished nothing that I want to do.. nothing that the Lord has laid upon my heart to do. 

I believe that having focus as my word will help me to accomplish the things that I feel I need to do and want to do for my fulfillment in my life. It is so easy to get lost in the hours of the day, the mundane tasks that we must do.. and we forget to do the things that feed our soul. If we fail to feed our soul, our heart begins to wither away. We go through the days exhausted and overwhelmed and our focus is lost on the things that matter. We wonder why we cannot get things done or why we feel so tired and fatigued and yet we aren't getting to any of the things that we have planned to do. 

When we place Him first, he gives us the hours we need. He helps us succeed and accomplish our goals. There are so many things that the Lord does for us and yet we forget He is in the smallest details of our lives as well. We do not fail when we rely on Him for absolutely all areas of our lives. I could not have found a better bible verse to guide me more than this one:

Philippians 3:15-16 The Message

So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision-you'll see it yet! Now that we're on the right track, let's stay on it. 

It is my prayer that 2019 will bring focus and things accomplished in my life that bring joy, peace and more happiness than I have ever experienced. 

One Word for 2018

I gave up on resolutions a long time ago. I knew they were an unrealistic goal for me. When I heard of choosing one word for the year I felt that was much more attainable and grabbed on to the idea with both hands. It was amazing how quickly the Lord gave me a word each year and how He would present it over and over as the months rolled by. I could look back at the end of the year and see what He had taught me surrounding the word that He had handpicked just for me. It isn't hard if you keep your mind and heart open and listen to what He is trying to tell you and teach you. In 2013 my word was "intentional". I knew that I needed to be more intentional with my family and my walk with the Lord. In 2014 my word was "revive". I felt a deep need for revival in my life. I desired to see the Lord in all that I did and in my daily life. In 2015 my word was "selah". My soul longed for pause. I wanted to stop and reflect on the Lord and the people in my life. In 2016 my word was "enough". I wanted to be satisfied with all that I had. My home, my husband, my kids, my car, my life. I wanted the comparison game to be gone. I wanted what I had to be enough. In 2017 my word was "sacrifice". I wanted to make the choice to sacrifice my time and needs to be with others. I have really grown the last few years with these words and the lessons that I have been taught through them. Sometimes I have failed with them and not allowed the Lord to teach me all that He has tried to as quickly as He has tried. Later, as I have looked back, I have seen exactly what He was doing. Maybe the lessons weren't for me at that time but at another. Sometimes, we learn our greatest lessons by looking back on our past mistakes.

I have been praying for the last few weeks for a word for 2018. The same one keeps coming to me so I know it is the one. It will be engaged. I love the meanings I found of engaged. Engaged means:

1. Cause someone to become involved in (a conversation or discussion)
2. Participate or become involved in
3. Establish a meaningful contact or connection with

Words that mean the same as engaged are: secure, commit, participate, embark on. As I was looking up the different synonyms of engaged I also looked at the antonyms of engaged. They are shun, let go, neglect, offend.

To be engaged means I want to connect with people. I want to have meaningful conversations. I want to participate and become involved in the lives of others, even when it may be tough. I want to help and serve others. I don't want to be in my comfortable bubble but rather out with others, serving, loving and engaging. I want to live my life in a meaningful way. My life isn't about me. God did not put me here to be about me but rather to love others and engage with others to show His love to them. I pray that is exactly what 2018 is all about!

Words of Wisdom for My Girls.. With Love..

Words of wisdom for my daughters.. high school, college or adulthood.. It is all relevant..

1. Love God first. I know that is sounds clique but for real. See everything and everyone through His eyes.
2. This too shall pass... (this was a big one handed down from my Mama..)
3. Some girls/women are just mean. Chin up baby girl — keep walking.
4. If you find a REAL friend, keep hold no matter how far apart you are.
5. Stuff WILL NOT make you happy.
6. Don’t judge anyone, but expect to be judged. 

7. Not every problem is the end of the world. Try to learn to take things in stride.
8.Pick your battles, it's not all worth fighting about.
9. Don’t compare yourself to others, there will never be another like you.

10. No matter how much you love someone, don’t lose yourself. YOU ARE NO ONE’S PROPERTY!
11. Don’t spend all of your time staring at an electronic device. Look at people’s faces. LISTEN to them.
12. Learn the word “NO,” and don’t be afraid to use it without guilt.
13. You get to write your own story so fill the pages with happiness.
14. Don’t ever chase a man.. the right one will find you.
15. Learn how to accept compliments graciously and try to believe them.
16. ALWAYS BE HONEST! The truth only hurts if it’s supposed to.
17. Don’t be afraid to fail. That’s how you learn.
18. Serve others unconditionally, good deeds bring happiness.
19.  Be gracious as gratitude reveals character.
20. Always trust your gut instinct. ALWAYS.
21. Your actions will define you, not your words.
22. Seek beauty in all things, but especially in all people.
23. Always walk with your head up. Confidence is attractive.
24. Cry when you need to and find strength in your tears.
25. Words can build bridges or burn them, choose wisely.
26. Being the first to apologize does not make you weak.
27. I know you hate me somedays, but I will always love you.
28. YOU ARE ENOUGH!  You are more than capable.
29. You can tell me anything, any time. I will always be here for you.
30. You are beautiful, never let anyone make you feel differently. Learn how to be happy in your own skin.

Take life one day at a time. Live in the moment. You have no control over yesterday or tomorrow. All you have is RIGHT NOW, so just be happy.

TO MY HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR

It is almost time for you to "adult"... In a month this will be the day that I will be recovering from the night before.. an emotional graduation.. and recovering from being up all night from Project Graduation. I will be a mess, not only from not getting any sleep, but also from knowing that the years of you living under the same roof as our family is almost over. I will keep looking at all of the pictures I took and thinking about how beautiful you looked. I will post a zillion pictures and post about how proud I am of you. I will keep thinking about how I can't believe it actually happened but I will know it did from the crumpled up graduation gown laying on the couch and the hat with the tassle thrown close by. I will still be weepy from remembering the sight of you walking down an aisle in your cap and gown. I will catch my breath as I think of when they called your name and you mounted the stage to receive that piece of paper that claimed that you no longer have to attend public school. I will be full of memories of when you started kindergarten and your kindergarten graduation and the years that followed so quickly after. 13 years can surely fly by... and then here we are.

In a month, the realization will come crashing down that you will be responsible for using every bit of advice I have ever given you. All of the life lessons I have tried to teach you about God, about guys, about friends, about how you live your life.. suddenly I can no longer monitor how you are doing with those lessons. Suddenly it is time for you to decide what you will do with the lessons you have learned. Have you made mistakes? Definitely. Will you make more? Most likely. Some days I begin to panic as I wonder what I haven't taught you yet that I should have. What do you need to know that I haven't placed into your arsenal of knowledge? How much are you just going to have to learn on your own? Have I done my job? Have I done it well? Are you really ready to go out on your own? Without me? How can you survive? Visions of your little toddler hand slipping into mine as I guide you along flood my mind. All I can see is the top of your silky blonde hair bouncing and then you look up and flash me that huge smile that makes your blue eyes twinkle and lights up your whole face and I feel joy and peace. I have always held your hand and I will continue to even as you leave, even if not physically. Yes, you have made mistakes and so have I and yet here we are and we are just fine and we will continue to be. You are no longer my little girl. You are my grown up daughter that is about to make her way in this big world. You are growing up. This is how it is supposed to happen. So, my girl, take experiences and grow from them. Never let anything be for nothing. Your time has come to fly... I am so completely proud of you and the woman you are growing into and I love you more than you can even comprehend...

Sisters

Days seem to pass by more swiftly with every day that I open my eyes. I feel the sting of knowing that my family dynamic as I know it is about to change dramatically. And even as I feel the pain, I know in my heart that you, my sweet girls, feel it too... the one that will be leaving and the one that will be left behind. You have been together as long as you can remember. You have shared a room, shared birthday parties, shared toys, shared vacations and even shared stomach viruses. You are never apart. And suddenly you will be. It will be your new reality and one you most likely will have a hard time embracing, even though some days you wish, either while screaming it loudly or thinking it quietly to yourself, that your other half would drop off of the face of the Earth. So, with the time you have still together, living under the same roof, let me remind you of the best parts of having a sister.

1. You have a willing concert buddy. Your sister is always willing to jump in the car and head out to any concert with you and sing along to all the songs on the way there and on the way back, even though you are hoarse from screaming. You can talk together about how hot the guy is and how you wish he was singing to you. 













2. You don't have far to go when you need a shoulder to cry on. Your sister is your best therapist and it is so handy to have her just right outside your bedroom door. If you are angry or sad, you can just go to her and before you know it, she has you laughing. There is nothing like her words of wisdom or her humor to get you over a tough spot.









3. You have a built in second wardrobe. You have someone right there to share clothes with and get fashion advice from. And yes, that might be the cause of most of your fights as well, but embrace the additional clothes and swap it all up. You might even surprise your sister by putting away her laundry one day too or hanging up something of hers that you tried on. That would not only be a sweet surprise but would cause great joy and peace in the home!







  

4. You have someone to share milestones with. Your sister is always there for you for the big events in your life, even when others aren't. And honestly, she is the main one that you want there anyway.

5. You always have someone there for those last minute shopping trips or spur of the minute runs to get food and there is really no one that you had rather be with.

Yes, you may want to kill each other sometimes but there is no doubt how much you love each other and how much you will miss each other when college time arrives... So embrace the days you have left and make lots of memories... Your sister will always be your best friend..

Things I Learned in 2015..

     So, here we are, diving headlong into this new year of 2016. I am personally settling in nicely. I have been in the new year long enough that the Christmas decorations that once illuminated most corners of our home are now packed away. I have gotten over the fact that I didn't pen any resolutions and I am actually glad about it because I would have quit them by now anyway, resulting in much guilt. I have even stopped writing 2015 which results in 6's written over my 5's haphazardly so no one can really tell which number was actually intended...







     I have been in 2016 long enough to be able to look back at 2015 with fresh eyes. Because, goodness gracious, it was a hard year. I was so happy when I shut the door on it and declared, "I am done with you!"  However, now I can say that although 2015 was hard, it brought many lessons.. And honestly, it you do not learn a lesson in the hard, what good is it anyway?  The hard can suffocate the air out of us, beat us down until we are completely broken, strip us of our energy, joy and ability to do daily tasks, and it can get us to the point of giving up. Or hard can do amazing things if we allow it..

   





     What I have decided to do with 2015 is to LEARN. What can I glean from a time that I consider hard? 
     I lost a job in 2015.. one I planned on retiring from.. But I have learned that God is always, always working on a plan for my life and it doesn't always include what I thought I did. I may have planned to retire from that particular place but He had another plan and led me down another road to get there. I have to trust that His plan is way better and I know from experience that the things that are taken away, are replaced with much better. How could I not believe that He is always looking out for me? 
     I experienced a change where I was serving unlike anything I had ever experienced and it hurt and it was difficult to process, understand and conform to. All of the years we had been serving had been with the same core group of people. One by one they left.. and then they were ALL gone. I never questioned God but I was rocked to my core by what was going on and it did cause me to wonder what God was doing and why. Fast forward months later and God.. God was always in control, as always. We are back, with positions all filled again, and things are falling into a new rhythm. I desperately miss the ones that have gone, but I know that just like when I made a job change, God was working the same thing out for them. I also learned that it isn't about me. I was hurt and sad and floundering around.. but guess what? It wasn't about what I wanted. It was about what God was doing in THEIR lives. And it was also about a big change in our serving area that caused every single one of us to not have our faith in a person and to depend on God alone. Well, isn't that a lesson we all need! 
     I lost dear friends and family members this year to death. My two youngest children lost friends to death. Goodness, there were times we couldn't catch our breath for the grief that overtook us. But, oh how I learned!  I learned I cannot fix everything for my children. I have to let them learn to grieve and process. I have to let them learn that life is short, sometimes far shorter than it should be and shorter than we can accept, in order that they may appreciate the life given to them more. I learned to be so thankful for each breath. I learned that when loss and grief come knocking, as they most assuredly will, to be prepared to give praise in the mourning.. for Heaven's gain and for the way grieving draws us closer to Him.
     I lost dear friends this year because the friendship was just finished, for whatever reason. This one was really hard because they didn't die.. they are still there.. and yet they aren't. And somehow I cannot help but feel that I could have stopped it..could have done something, anything, to salvage what once was. Yet, not matter what I try, I can't make it work, can't make it be what it was. So, I ended up feeling alone and sad and isolated and trying to figure out what to do. But then, the lesson.. I learned that sometimes friends are gone so new ones can come. I learned that the friends I had weren't feeding my heart. I learned the friendship wasn't what I thought in the first place, because if it was, wouldn't it still be around? 


     As I think of my hard and painful things, my mind also brings forth images of my Jesus, hanging on a cross, covered in blood, meat showing from torn skin, His head hanging as the crown of thorns is pressed down upon His head.. He is innocent and yet punished.. for ME.. Do I really have it all that hard? What if His were my cross to bear? And oh, what a testimony I have through my hard.. for His glory and honor.. And what is my suffering compared to His if I allow Him glory in my hard? 


     Sometimes, it just takes a change of how we look at things to appreciate them rather than let them get them get the best of us. Sometimes it is all about our perspective.. Be thankful for your hard times, trials and sufferings. It is nothing compared to what He has suffered for us...

One Word for 2016...

One Word for 2016...
     A few years ago, I gave up the notion of making up a list of New Year's resolutions. Like many, I would come up with this exhaustive list and in the end, I would feel overwhelmed and defeated because the list wasn't realistic or attainable. It only made me feel like a failure. I decided that resolutions, unrealized, were pointless. That is when I discovered the One Word movement. The first year I will admit that I stressed entirely too much over "my word". I thought it held some sort of magical power that, in itself, would revolutionize my whole entire life.  I quickly learned that it didn't really work that way. You don't choose a word as much as the word chooses you, or more probable is that God chooses your word for you. When I let my word just "happen", it became so much more clear.
     The first year my word was intentional.  The next year my word was revive. Last year my word was Selah. I never just pick my word without prayer and really listening to the Lord and never has He failed me. The word always is made clear to me and throughout the year, I cannot tell you how many times and in how many different situations the word will continue to come up and reveal itself. That is how I always know it is of the Lord. I know all of that sounds a little strange but if you listen for the Lord to speak, He will and there is peace in knowing you are getting a word from Him, even if it just your "word" for the year. Every time the word comes up throughout the year in those mysterious ways I cannot help but smile and my heart leaps because I feel like it is my God saying, "See, I am still showing you, still teaching you." It brings such comfort to my spirit.
     This year my word is ENOUGH.  While we live in the days of more, I want to trust that I have enough. I am done with more. When we think we have to have the biggest house, or the newest cell phone that is out, or the nicest computers, or the fanciest cars, or the name brand clothes, I want ENOUGH. When we long for prestige, or recognition, or fame, or more friends than anyone else, I want ENOUGH. When we want our children to act better than the other children, perform better than the other children, look better than the other children, or be more popular than the other children, I want ENOUGH. When we want our marriages to be more romantic than other marriages, or more fulfilling than other marriages or more envied than other marriages, I want ENOUGH. When we want the best jobs, the most money, the most followers/retweets/likes, I want ENOUGH. 
     I want the comparison game to stop in my life. I don't have the best house, phone, car, husband, or kids.. Sometimes we fight in our family. Sometimes I am sad.  Sometimes I am angry. Sometimes I am even jealous. No one has a perfect life and in acting like we do causes others to feel bad about their own lives. I want a life of being real and acknowledging that even when things aren't great, it is ENOUGH. Because truly, no matter what is going on with my marriage or my kids or my friends or my church or any other area of my life, I have God and HE IS ENOUGH. He is El Shaddai, which is the God of more than enough. Because of that and because of Him, I don't have to have everything in my life be better than yours and I don't have to worry about how much better your life is than mine. It just has to be ENOUGH.
     One thing I have learned is that chasing more makes me tired.  It makes my heart very heavy and it makes me overwhelmed. When I judge my life based on those lives around me, I lose my joy and the life is literally being sucked right out of me. But when I focus on the fact that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and with the people I am supposed to be with and with exactly what I am supposed to have, regardless of what and who others have, it releases me to know that even on the hard days, I have what God intended for my life and it is for a purpose for He is using every single bit of it to make me into who I am supposed to be for Him. And that is ENOUGH...

One Day You Will Know... Open Letter to My Teens..

My precious children,

These days, I am exhausted. When you were babies and I was functioning on fumes I longed for sleep. I would catch myself nodding off as you nursed or as I rocked you back to sleep in the middle of the night, singing softly to you, trying to not stimulate you too much but soaking in every single moment. I would rub my face against your soft little head and inhale your smell and become overwhelmed that you were actually made from me. I helped create you and I couldn’t believe it sometimes… I didn’t deserve this. You would nestle against me knowing I was your source for food and life and there was no other calling in my life that I wanted besides this one.

I thought I would be past this when you were no longer a toddler. Mornings began with your cry for “mama” and I was the chosen one for all things. Whether you needed a diaper change, food, comfort for a pain, or just needed love, it was me that you came to. Days were full to the very end. You were attached to me.. you crawled on me.. you pulled on me.. I was your jungle gym and play mat.. your favorite spot to sleep. Nights brought sweet moments of me reading you books while you were fresh from your bath in your soft pajamas snuggled in my lap. I would lay you in your bed, ready for rest but not wanting to be apart from you for the whole night.  Neither of us could get enough of the snuggles that everyone else seemed to think should smother me.

Your childhood was full. You might not remember everything. We used to load in the car on Saturday mornings to go to yard sales. You would eat dry cereal out of a plastic container and then smell like Cinnamon Toast Crunch all day. We spent more Sunday’s at Granny’s than I can count and I am thankful that she knew you. I wish Papa had. He would have been completely crazy about you. You have been taught to love family and family is first after God. We have played for hours in the backyard together on the swing and in your sandbox, drove your Barbie Jeep ‘round and ‘round the neighborhood, went to the park so many days and played with friends, had Chick-Fil-A dates, went on many vacations to the mountains and the beach, Disney and other fun places. We have done cheer, gymnastics and so many fun things. We have always tried to teach you to love God and other people and show you that church really is another home and to love it like your own. We have tried to teach you to serve others.

But now… These days, I am exhausted. Mostly my soul is weary causing extreme physical, bone-tired, cannot move, and could sleep for day’s exhaustion. You are growing up. You are pulling away from me. You don’t want to snuggle in my lap anymore.. even if you could fit. Sometimes we argue over everything and nothing at all. There are times you think I don’t like you but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is, I like you too much. How could I not? You make my heart stop with your funny, wonderful personality. Sometimes I think I could burst from how proud I am of you. You are beautiful and I wonder how you can be so pretty. Why are you not in that weird teenage phase? I look back at my pictures as a teen and I was so awkward. You seem to have it so “together” already. I wish I had been more like you at your age. You impress me with little things that you know and do all the time.

But then comes that mothering part that still has to exist and that is the problem. You know a part of me that most don’t. It can pretty ugly.. but if you look closely it can be pretty beautiful. Because the ugliest part of me is brought on by the beautiful.. because of my fierce love for you. When I look at you, I don’t see a grown woman about to go out into the world on her own. I see a chubby little girl with full cheeks and full lips reaching up to me asking me to hold her. So the ugly part of me that you see comes from loving you hard. It comes from wanting you to be the best you can be. I take my job of raising you seriously and want to send you out as a responsible, respectful and loving person. I have worn myself out for many years serving you, giving everything up for you and loving you. I have done so without even thinking about it and would do it again over and over. My life isn’t about me. Before I even knew you were alive, my heart was beating for you, my child, and will continue to do so until my heart beats its last beat. I have no greater honor than being your mom. There has never been anything in my life that has taught me more about God’s love like being your mama. Every single time I have yelled at you, grabbed your arm or acted in a way I shouldn’t, God forgave me. Nothing makes me crazier; nothing makes me happier.

I used to pray for myself. Now my prayers are for you and your sisters. And for myself.. to be a better mama to you. I consider you my greatest mission field above anything I could ever do.  When you think I have rules that don’t make sense to you, remember they will.  When I yell at you for rolling your eyes at me or speaking disrespectful and you don’t think you have done anything, one day you will see it. When I push you to read your Bible and pray and spend time with Jesus because He loves you so much.. one day you will understand.. you will KNOW. And when you think I am tough and strict and all of the other mom’s aren’t, you will understand why one day.. you will know they were stricter than your friends made it look like and you will understand why I am hard on you sometimes.. just like my mama was hard on me and her mama was hard on her..

So I think we would be much less tired.. if you could realize this all now. But I realize you won’t. And soon you will be grown.. and gone. And one day you will have a child of your own. And goodness how you will love that sweet one with every single thing that you are.. and when that child becomes a teenager, you will remember… and you will know that every single thing I did was because I love you with the deepest of love. One day you will know… 

I am back!

So, I have been missing in action. I decided that I wanted to start journaling but since I enjoy typing much more than I enjoy having a cramped hand I thought that returning to my blog would make much more sense. What I didn't realize was that it has been three years since I have typed up a blog.  The funny thing is I am always thinking of things I want to blog about but I just don't take the time to do it. Maybe I think I don't have the time. But truly how long does it take? A part of me wants to go back and share so much of my life with you over the last three years but that overwhelms me just a tiny bit (TREMENDOUSLY!) so we will just start fresh now.. again..

So, hi, my name is Shannon and I am a recovering blog procrastinator. I will be joining you again in the hopes that you will join me. I love community and sincerely hope we can gather here often. I love to talk about Jesus and life and family and friends. This is just an introduction so I will be sharing something of substance very soon!

Be a blessing and be blessed!
Shannon

The Salvation Garden

So today I keep having this verse show up.. IN MY FACE..

James 1:19-21 in the Message:

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends.  Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation garden of your life.”

I have a NIV Life Application Bible and it reads very differently:

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become to angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

I read this..  I digest it..  I roll it over in my head and through my heart.  Honestly, I love the way the Message speaks but I love the NIV version as well.  What this is saying to me is when I talk too much and listen too little, I am saying to others that my ideas and feelings are much more important.  When I become angry quickly, I am communicating that although I may speak God's love with my mouth, I am not showing God's love with my actions.  I WANT this salvation garden in my life!  I want the Word planted in me and I want it to flourish.

My mind goes back to yesterday afternoon when I was short with one of my daughters because she was grouchy when she got home from school.  Or to this morning when I was not as nice as I should be to my husband because mornings are just stressful and we had too many things going on.  I don't want to be that person.  I want to be the wife/mother/woman that shows evidence of a well tended garden.  I want to be a woman that takes in the Word and lives it and breathes it and my life shows it.  I love it when He gives me Truth that I am specifically needing!

Let's Stretch!

When I was in school I never studied for a test... and yet I made straight A's.  God blessed me with a great memory.  I could skim the text a few minutes before the test and BAM! there was my perfect score!  I can still remember phone numbers from my grade school friends.  I remember birthdays like a pro..  However, Bible memorization has always seemed very daunting to me... intimidating to say the least.  Why?  I don't really know.  Maybe I don't feel worthy.  Maybe I don't want to be confronted later and not be able to recall the perfect verse for the situation.  Whatever the reason, I have never memorized scripture.  Do I read scripture? Of course... I even remember things from the Bible and can talk about things from the Bible but "verse memorization"...  No way!  So here I go.  My dear friend is calling a group of us to memorize 2 verses a month for the rest of this year.  We are posting these to her blog so we can hold each other accountable.  She asked us to buy a handy dandy spiral to keep them in.  

I am a little scared about this process..  Am I going to be quizzed?  What if I fail?  Can I do this?  So many insecurities!  But this I know.. I have some good friends cheering me on!  And God loves that I am doing this.. 

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. Psalm 119:11
I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. Psalm 40:8
The law of his God is in his heart; his feet do not slip. Psalm 37:31

I really want His word hidden in my heart.  Not so that I can throw verses at people but so that I can recall them when I need them, so that I can grow. He gives them to us for a reason.  I NEED His Word.  I pray I grow through this.  I am thrilled to pieces that my sweet friend is challenging me!  I need to be stretched.  It is scary but in that fear I will grow.  I always do and come out so much closer to the Lord!  Join me in this if you want to.  You won't regret it!

Be Real...

So let's be real...  I don't like conflict at all.  My husband might disagree with that statement but I really don't. I truly want the perfect marriage.  No arguments.. ever..  And could we always just put each other first please?  Also on my list would be that we always greet each other in the morning with a hug and a nice good morning instead of a grunt that slightly resembles a good morning but neither of us really talk a lot in the morning so I am learning to accept that.  The list would also include that he never fusses when I spend too much and he would clean up better after himself.  I would also request that our eyes meet across the room sometimes with "that look".. I really don't ask for too much.  I am pretty sure he might have a list as well but he doesn't voice his as much... bless the nagging wife...  However, after 21 years, my fairy tale wishes that were ridiculous have definitely become more realistic,  I do believe.  Things that my husband could never achieve have slowly left my expectations, as I have realized that he is only human.

All this said, I must say, Saturday I was slightly annoyed at my husband when I returned home from my mother's house after being gone all day.  My husband, the man who would never sit down, who always had to be doing something, has suddenly, the last few months, decided to sit around and read his Bible much more than he ever has.  This should be something that makes me so happy and it does.  BUT when I came home to clothes in a basket that weren't folded but CRAMMED in there and wrinkled, which meant I had to put them back into the dryer to get the wrinkles out I was perturbed.  There were also towels in the dryer that had not been folded.  My temperature began to rise.  Then I went into the kitchen and the dishwasher which needed to run that morning when I left had just been run, which meant that the dishes could not be unloaded until they dried for a while so the supper dishes had to be piled in the sink.... Then, the only chore I had asked him to complete while I was gone was to do the vacuuming and he only did the downstairs and didn't even do the staircase.

I don't say anything because I am avoiding an argument because as I said.. I don't like conflict....  So I seethe about this Saturday night and Sunday morning while I fold towels and unload and load the dishwasher back before church and even Sunday afternoon after church while I attempt to take a nap.  Sunday night I sit in church by myself (well, with friends) because he had security duty at church and I start feeling a little tugging on my heart.. but I am still mad...  Sunday night we come home and I am still ill but the tugging is a little harder..  Monday morning it is worse.  I recall the lady we sat by at lunch on Sunday sharing with me how her husband had passed away unexpectedly a few months ago and how her friend who was also eating with her had just lost her husband in December within 15 minutes of taking an antibiotic.  I begin to recall Brother Ben's sermon from Sunday night on the confession of a pastor who had a fight with his wife and how he told the whole congregation and how he confessed to them "This will be made right tonight".  I am suddenly overwhelmed with the fact of how hard my husband works through the week and how long his hours are and how he provides for our family.  I realize how hard he works to prepare the lesson he teaches to the boys on Sunday for Sunday School.  Maybe he doesn't do as much around the house as he used to but I work less hours than I did then and he works more so shouldn't I take up the slack?  Shouldn't I just stand in the gap?  Maybe I should consider my man my mission instead of being bitter about the extra that I have to do....

So, tonight when my man comes home, I am going to confess to him and I am going to apologize and I am going to ask him to forgive me and I am going to thank him for all he does for us.  I hope this is an encouragement to someone.  And now that I have confessed this to you, I can move on...  just being real!  :)

EPIC FAIL

So tonight we realized that we had a coupon that ran out at the end of the month and being the tightwads that we are,  we rationalize that we must jump into the car and go out to dinner to use this coupon.  Now, would it have saved more money to just stay home?  Well yes it would!  But no, we must use this coupon!  Now, in case you didn't know, we are penny pinchers to the extreme.  We buy on the clearance rack and then use a coupon and that is the only way.  We never pay full price for things.  We are bargain shoppers and always are so proud of the deals that we come across.  If it isn't a deal, we don't buy it.  So anyway, we take the girls and go out to a nice dinner at Perkins in Milan.  This was a buy one entree get another free.  Good deal right?  So we eat and laugh and enjoy our meal and have a wonderful evening.  Until... we get our bill.. and I pull out the coupon.. and read the very small print that says that it is only good for one person per one table.  YIKES!  And we have just bought 4 adult entrees thinking we are getting 2 of them free!  Mike and I look at each other with a look of dread and that sickening feeling fills our gut... Suddenly, the meal wasn't quite so good.  We fuss at ourselves, fuss at each other, fret over our predicament, try to find a way out.. and realize we must bite the bullet and learn from our mistake.. as hard as it is.. So we sit there a minute and gather ourselves and decide it is time to face the music, pay the bill and get out of there!  Mike is at the cashiers stand paying and I am leaned over the counter,  just sick about the whole thing.. and when I think it can't get any worse Mikayla says "Look at that sign Mom!  Adeline could have eaten free!  Kids 12 and under,  Monday thru Friday eats free!"  Should I scream now?????  EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!  Yep, EPIC FAIL, as my kids would say!  Oh, how I will read the small print better in the future!

New Year? Yes Please!

I have been thinking a lot lately.  That could be a bad thing considering I don't really feel like I have the brain cells to do that anymore.  However, I do have "heart cells" and heart cells is what this kind of thinking requires. My life needed an evaluation.  I feel like I am wasting time.  I only have this one life to live and what am I doing with it?  Am I using it wisely?  I am thinking .. not!  I am not a person who makes resolutions for the New Year but this year I felt compelled to.  The reason that I don't is because I don't want to feel like a failure when it hits about mid-January and I have already bombed at everything on my list.  However this year I have been under major conviction to make this list.  I also was under conviction to make my kids make a list but they weren't falling for it so that still hasn't happened.  My list is this...

1.More in-depth Bible study daily.
2.Pour more into my marriage, children, family, friends and youth.
3.Less TV/computer, more God/people.
4.List blessings and God moments daily.
5.Exercise.


I tried to keep my list simple and short so I wouldn't get overwhelmed.  (It was a lot longer and I had to work on it to condense it)  Honestly, I am feeling pretty good about it because other than the exercise I am doing fairly OK so far.  Could I do better?  Absolutely!  But couldn't we always do better?  The fact is that I am trying.  I am a work in progress.  But most importantly I am already doing better than I was last year!  I am reading my Bible every day and actually studying it.  I am listing my blessings.  I am talking to others about Christ daily (trying to include strangers into this mix-at least one a day).  I am working on limiting my computer time, which is more of a challenge to me than the TV so I can spend more time with people.  Do I have a long way to go?  Oh, do I!  But by the end of 2012 I hope to have made a radical change!  I want to be that person that spends my days loving on people.  I am called to do that, this I know.  Find what you are called to do in 2012 and do it!  No time to waste!

And It Is Gone...

So the minute the last Christmas present is opened and the paper is all cleared away... I am ready to begin taking down the Christmas decorations.  Have I mentioned that I am just a little OCD?  I am always very excited about putting up the decorations and want them up the weekend BEFORE Thanksgiving.  We always go out of town for Thanksgiving so I want them up when we get home.  I don't want to come home from our trip and still have to put them up.  Also, it is a lot of work for such a short time so on the front end, I want as much bang as I can get for my buck, so to speak.  However, it all seems so "over" once the presents are finished.  The tree just doesn't seem pretty to me anymore without all of the presents piled under it and all around it.  So on Christmas Day we go to my in-laws and we are always really late getting home but the very next day I am driving my husband crazy to help me clear things out.  He usually procrastinates until I reach the point of trying to stuff the tree into the box and trying to hold it together and tape it and then he knows that he is either going to have to do it or it is going to be done wrong.. he may be a little OCD too, but not as bad as me. At this point, I desert him and do other things so he can be left to drag the box up the stairs.  Isn't that sweet of me?  And then we have to try to cram 2 Christmas tree boxes and 5 plastic tubs into a space the size of 2 adult bodies.  It isn't pretty because we are tired after days of running from house to house and eating too much and spending too much....  but once all of those decorations are put away and I clean everything up and vacuum up all the little needles, I can sit and look at my freshly cleaned house with a new appreciation and it. feels. good.

Christmas 2011... Blessed Beyond Measure!

Here is a picture of me with my family this Christmas.  The only one missing is Lindsey's husband, Jay.  His trunks are arriving from Afghanistan weekly which means he isn't far behind.  We had a wonderful time on Christmas Eve at my Mom's house.  We always try to change up the menu and this year was breakfast food which is one of my favorites!

Grandma enjoyed being with all of the grandkids and the one great-grandkido!  We always have so many laughs when we all get together!

This is my little bunch and they thrill me to pieces!  Lindsey actually looks bigger than the other two here and she should since she is the oldest but she is actually the smallest of the three of my girls!

This is me with my mom and sister. Mikayla pointed out that we were all holding our hands the same.  I guess it is in the genes.

The is my sister and her little family..  We love them so much!

And this Thomas the Train pillow pet turned out to be my grandson's favorite gift!  Very pleasing to his Nana!  :)

We had lots of great food and fun and I am just so very thankful for my family!  I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Almost a Birth Day!

I am sitting here resting.  It is late and way past my bedtime.  My bones and muscles feel weary.  Today I have wrapped the last of the presents, cleaned the house and prepared food to take to my moms tomorrow for Christmas Eve.  I have driven to the next town to pick up a pizza for dinner and back again, watched a movie with my husband and I have done 4 loads of laundry.  I have completed my Bible study as well as a little bit of exercise.  Now, I am watching my Christmas tree spin round and round on its base with its pretty lights and I think as tired as I am and as much as I would love to crawl into bed without washing off my makeup and brushing my teeth because I am just too tired.. how tired must Mary have been this very night so many years ago?  First of all the last trimester is really just not any fun at all as far as comfort goes anyway.  I can imagine that riding a donkey was not nearly as comfortable as my Camry.  No lumbar support there, no mam!  And as I sit here with my sweatshirt on and still covered in an afghan, I wonder, how cold was she on those dark nights traveling along?  She knew what was coming and had to be filled with anticipation but also as scared as any young new mother is.  We think so much about the birth of Christ as a baby being born and coming to save us all and although we hear the song "Mary, did you know?" how often do we STOP and really think about that?  About how she felt?  About her fears and concerns?  I think I would have been scared to death to be thinking that I, a nobody, would soon be birthing the King of the world...  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish to be a better mother but can you imagine the standard you would hold yourself to if you were the mother to the Savior?  Thinking about Mary and what she went through kind of makes my job seem a little easier.  We are getting close to the birth day and I am getting excited!  Although I sure do love my comforts,  I sure would have loved to have been there the day Jesus Christ was born!  Many blessings to you and Merry Christmas!